They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
