She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
