I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize