So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
