Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
