I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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