I wish I could punch you in the face.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize