I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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