mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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