dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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