Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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