I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Houston, we have a squirter
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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