Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
