oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
