dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
