Do you still have your period?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
