i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
