update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
