when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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