Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
