did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize