alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
