VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
