so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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