Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
