Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
