Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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