Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
