Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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