all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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