Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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