Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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