You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
