i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
