I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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