You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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