I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
