The maid of honor just puked.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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