i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
