i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
