i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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