You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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