he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
