Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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