Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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