Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
