So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize