Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
