If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
zippers are such a cool invention
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need moral support for this bender
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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