mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
