Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
