there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
