Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
