Do you still have your period?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
