YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
