and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
now i know why i became what i already was.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
