can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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