He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
