I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
