ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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