haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
