If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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