it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
