why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
