Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
