my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
