Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
