He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
