2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
