come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize