Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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