The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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