how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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