Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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