I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
