all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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