Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
