Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
