billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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