I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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