p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
