This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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