capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sarcasm needs its own font
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
