I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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