K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
