dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Everything about him screamed your future.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
