PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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