I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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