You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
