Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
