Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
