I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
