i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
