So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
